Ode To Fatherhood

Ode To Fatherhood

By Oludolapo Okunniga

Some things remain a mystery. One of those is why a child’s first babble is what has been accepted as his or her father’s name.
Ba-ba, Da-da, Za-dy, the child babbles out without being taught, much to the jealousy and chagrin of mothers who felt they should be given that rare honour, having carried the child for nine long months and then beginning the business of nursing and nurturing the child.

What this explains is that fathers are the foundation for the conception, birth, development and future of the child or children.

The foundation is important. The fertile earth (woman) and the seed (man) poured into the earth and, with other factors working hand in hand, life begins.

Surprisingly, in most part of the world, after conception or after birth, women are abandoned and left to cater for the unborn child and even the child born thereafter.

We have absentee fathers that will just disappear, with some not caring whether the child survives or not. We have fathers who refuse responsibility for their children because of unresolved and irreconcilable differences with the mothers of their children. And we have those who will come for a while, register their presence and then disappear for another stretch of time.

The presence and support of the father is so paramount that many grow up carrying so much pains and unresolved issues which they carry into their future relationships, irrespective of gender.
Fatherhood is so important to the family, indeed to the society: He provides succor, strength, stability and support and also covering for his family.

A father’s role is so pivotal that it takes special grace and will for a boy who grew up to witness his father abuse his mother not to replicate same with his spouse. It could go either way: Such a man may decide to change his own narrative; or he may go ahead to begin to see women as objects of oppression that he can dominate.

Some women, having been dealt with by fathers who always promised or failed them, have trust issues and may find difficult to sustain relationships due to this. Others become man-haters because of abuse from their fathers.

That’s one part.

We have great fathers. Wonderful men who are putting their backs out everyday for their children to have a better life.
Not only that, they teach responsibility and, by proxy, have become a father to so many.

In our society especially, being a man is tough; there’s this expectation to hold your emotions in, bear your burdens without complaint and be the go-to for relatives and other acquaintances.
All these expectations threaten the life expectancy of men.

Add fatherhood to that. That’s a tough job.

I celebrate fathers.
Any man who is holding such a place of responsibility, nurturing and supporting children, including the ones that are not biologically theirs as they navigate their paths in life;

Any father who still finds time for his children irrespective of his issues with his children’s mother; Any father who, for the sake and the future of his children, does his part.

It takes two to tango and issues of relationships are as complicated as life itself. But it’s important to be able to dissect and focus on the things that matter.

If we had many fathers taking up their roles, I believe we will have less children roaming the streets; we will have less inmates in prison; and we will have less involved in many vices. That’s how powerful fatherhood is.

We have women playing dual roles as parents; some as widows and some as divorced, single parents, etc.

But often times a mother needs a father figure to straighten, support and advice, especially, sons during the turbulent growing up years as he matures into a man and for the daughter to see as a role model in dealing with men, either as colleague, employer, employee or in platonic or romantic relationships.

A Nollywood actress recently gave out her daughter’s hand in marriage sometime ago. An upsurge of comments followed on the social media, where people condemned her for daring to do what she did. Where was the father or, at least, a relative to give her daughter out? They challenged.

I was impressed with people also coming out to say, ‘we are the ones to begin to change our stories. If a man disappears during the formative and growing up years of his children by not being available when he’s needed, then nobody should seek for his approval or beg him to come sit at a table and eat from a pot of soup which he has not a assisted in preparing’.

That’s the expectation of many men when they abandon their families, thinking ‘they will come back looking for me when it’s time for the children to get married’.

But the narrative is changing. Mothers, friends, siblings are giving out daughters in marriage and sons are getting married without even awaiting their fathers’ presence.

This is the current coping mechanism that has come to stay. And it’s a lesson for fathers to take their responsibilities even more seriously.

There’s a joy and reward for fatherhood.
We celebrate fatherhood. We need your positive influence in our society. We need you to lead the “change narrative” for destructive stereotypes, ethnic bigotry, racism, oppression of women, domestic violence and damaging patriarchy, among others.

We need well adjusted individuals to be released into the society. Those seeds come from you. Please nurture them.
That your sons may be strong olive trees and your daughters, beautiful solid pillars adorning your palaces.

Happy Father’s Day.