![logo1](https://peesreporters.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/logo1.png)
9 things you should
never say to a
divorced woman
Unless you ARE a single mom, you canβt feel like one.
In the year 2000 I was happily married (for 13 years, together for 20) to my college sweetheart, with a lovely home and two young children.
Then one day I began the process of discovering my husbandβs long-standing affairβwith someone I knew very well. Within 9 months my marriage was over.
And though I met and married a wonderful manβ and have been married for over 10 yearsβthe hurt and pain of that time is still there. Still palpable.
- βItβs too bad you have childrenβyouβll always be connected because of them.β
This was very painful to hear. My kids were often the singular reason that I got out of bed many mornings following my divorce. There were so many times that I would wake up not knowing how I was going to face the day. But then Iβd remember my childrenβand the responsibility I had to themβand I did what I needed to do. Having them around me made me feel happy, loved, not alone. I canβt imagine my life without them.
- (When a spouse is out of town) βI feel like SUCH a single mom this week.β
No you donβt. Yes, you may not have extra hands at breakfast or bath time, but this is NOT the same as being a single mom. The fears, anger, hurt and complications that accompany divorce are there 24/7, as opposed to the temporary βsingleβ status that occurs when a spouse is away. Do NOT say this, ever.
Read also:Β Woman seeks divorce over father-in-lawβs βsex requestβ
- βI kind of envy your βaloneβ time.β
Another well-meaning comment that ultimately stings. Mainly because even in moments when I was enjoying my βaloneβ time, the reason for it would quickly overwhelm. I was alone not by choice, and as the result of a devastating event.
- βYouβll never be truly happy until you forgive.β
I wish I had a dollar for every time Iβve heard this. My husband had an extra-marital affair that ruined me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I will never forgive himβever. And yet I can say, with complete conviction, that I am happy. Happily married. Happily employed. Happily engaged with life.
- βI saw it coming.β
Even if you did, donβt say it. No matter the cause, divorce almost always feelsβon some levelβlike failure. A comment like this just pours salt on the wound.
- βItβs ultimately for the best.β
Itβs natural to want to offer hope in this situation. And I was lucky that in my case it really did work out for the best. But in the beginning I was terrifiedβfor my financial future, and that Iβd never meet anyone else. A comment like this diminishes that fear, and rings hollow.
This is like the opposite of the above commentβimplying that divorce is something that would decimate the average person. I only wanted to feel βtypicalββnot some freak or outsider because of my new status.
- βYouβre so brave.β
Another seemingly innocuous commentβwell-meaning, and yet I canβt think of a single time I heard this that it didnβt ultimately feel like pity.
- βI would never put up with (insert spouseβs awful behavior here).β
I hung in for months after discovering my husbandβs affairβand no one was more surprised than I was. I knew thereβd be no turning back once I ended my marriage, and I needed to be absolutely ready and sure before I did. I learned that you donβt REALLY know how much youβre willing to tolerateβuntil youβre there yourself.
(C) womansday.com
Leave a Reply